im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
