Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
honey bunches of taint.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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