i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
