girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
