Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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