i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
