ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
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