ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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