And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize