I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
