when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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