If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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