My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize