i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
