She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
