Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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