dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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