your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
