i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
