That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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