I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
