I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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