omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
