I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize