She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
The uberlube is also flammable
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
