dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
