Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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