No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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