and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
