singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
