What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
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