It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
