I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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