he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
