I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
