My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
