Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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