my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
