Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
