just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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