I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
