During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize