haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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