Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Randomize
