I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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