I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
