Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
