So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
