Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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