He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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