I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize