Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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