I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
