theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
