Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
