you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize