I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
He told me they were just razor bumps!
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
