I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
