He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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