My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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