I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
