i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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