Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
