there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize