She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
smell my finger.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
