i just wanna soil my oats bro
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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