Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
