I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
