I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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