Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
