just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
