I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
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