Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
i think i just lost a toe
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
