I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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