How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
