Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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