I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
