well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
