I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
