We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
