I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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