What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
