come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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