Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
