Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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