More tranny stories later!
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
