My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm at about main and main street
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
