I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
