one two three fourrrrnication!
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
